Dating In a Foreign Language (Part Deux)


While I was reading the comments from the other blog post I wrote on Dating In a Foreign Language, I suddenly remembered some other misadventures that I experienced while living abroad. While these types of guys aren’t as common as the guys listed in the previous post, it IS something to look out for. I mean, unless you’re like me, always on a mission to get free breakfast, free lunch, free dinner and/or a nice tour of the city… you probably won’t encounter as much foolishness as I have.

Plus, if I can give you a little chuckle, why not? LOL. Here goes…

  • Guy #8 – The "I'm-gonna-correct-each-and-every-little-mistake-you-make-regarding-my-language-and-my-culture-because-I-know-everything-better-than-you" guy otherwise known as The Napoleon
How to spot him? 9 times out of 10 this guy has a small dick (hence the Napoleon complex). And 10 times out of 9 he is socially inept and considered a weirdo by people in his country. He has little to no friends and was usually the last kid picked to play dodgeball. So he takes it out on you by picking you apart and trying to make you feel small for not speaking the language at native level or knowing every single aspect of the country's pop culture. He acts like he is doing it to help you but really, making you feel like a nincompoop makes him feel bigger, better and smarter for once. Tell him he's a loser with a small dick and move on with life.

  • Guy #9 – The "I-want-to-have-a-mixed-baby-so-badly-I'm-going-to-ruin-your-vacation-by-bringing-it-up-constantly" guy otherwise known as The Impregnator.
How to spot him? This one is self explanatory. He usually will ask you about having children before verifying those hella important papers (you know, the papers that verify that you're not contagious). Like bruh, chilllllllllllll! I'm on vacation! You talking about babies and...all I'm trying to do is get free dinner right now *stares ratchetly* I'm huuuungryyyyyy, mane!​

  • Guy #10 – The "I-love-black-women-so-much-they-are-the-best-women-on-earth-but-oh-I-forgot-to-tell-you-I'm-married-and-by-the-way-she's-white" guy otherwise known as The Marital Opportunist.
How to spot him? This guy gets the biggest side eye of them all. If you loved us so much, why didn't you marry one of us? You know what? I'm not even gonna go all the way off on you. Sir, if you don't take your married self somewhere to get a Kardashian look alike and get out my face...how ‘bout dah?

  • Guy #11 – The "I'm-going-to-take-advantage-of-your-lack-of-knowledge-about-dating-customs-and-make-you-think-you're crazy-when-I'm-really-cheating-on-you" guy also know as a Sorry-est Cheater On Earth.
How to spot him? He does things that range from "not quite right" to "downright sketchy" and when you call him on it, he assures you that it's normal in his culture and you're trippin. You're not trippin. It's not normal. He's an asshole. Next. 

  • Guy #12 – The "I'm-looking-for-a-trophy-wife-and-since-black-don't-crack-and-I-can-at-least-get-20-or-30-years-of-wear-and-tear-out-of-you-I'm-looking-your-way" guy also known as The Starter Husband
How to spot him? This guy is a borderline pedophile. He likes to date REALLY young and will make an exception if you're older than his usual age range for the mere fact that you'll still look the same in 30 years meanwhile he's olding and greying. You'll know him because he's in constant awe of how young you look and won't stop talking about how young you look. He might even "ack up" in public so that strangers can look at what a PYT he pulled. If only they knew you were NOT straight out of high school. 

  • Guy #13 – The "I-just-want-to-have-a-black-girlfriend-so-my-friends-will-think-I'm-black" guy also known as The Poser.
How to spot him? This guy takes it a little further than the Malibu's Most Wanted Guy (#7 in my previous post), because he's basically a male Rachel Dolezal! He thinks having a black woman on his arm will in some way authenticate his "blackness". My dude, YOU'RE NOT BLACK!

  • Guy #14 – The "I-like-you-but-can-you-be-a-little-less-black?" guy also known as The Closet Racist
How to spot him? He doesn't like your Afro or your curls. He prefers when your hair is straightened or when you wear weaves. He prefers for you wear something covering up your ASSet because it's protruding and embarrassing for him when he's out with you. Can you also not play that rap music around him? It’s really noisy. My bad, let me turn down who I am for you just a little bit so you can feel more comfortable [end sarcasm]. BOY BYE! #iaintthinkinboutyou

  • Guy #15 – The "we-are-the-same-race-so-we-should-be-together" guy also known as His Sister’s Keeper.
How to spot him? You'll know this guy because he will keep calling you his "sister". He keeps reinforcing the idea that you guys should be together because that's what black people do—stick together. Doesn't matter if you're compatible or if you can even stand each other. He will flip if he ever runs into you and you're even standing next to a guy who's not black. At first the Afrocentrism seems cool but then it quickly becomes creepy because it's like, is he your older brother or is he actually dating you???? 

Have you experienced any of these types? If so, what was the situation? How did you handle it? Sound off below!

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